Another year, another holiday season. Reader alert: When I speak of holidays, I refer to the time beginning November 1 (Thanksgiving lead up) to New Year’s Day. I will go ahead and admit it — I am not a holiday person, especially in recent years. The past three years have seen me suffering from several medical issues, getting separated, divorced, and getting more work responsibilities, to name a few. The only reason I don’t bah humbug out of fatigue and sadness is trying not to be a Debbie Downer for my children.
That brings us to 2020, The Hunger Games of years. Work life has shifted, in-school attendance has morphed for our children, people are getting sick and dying, and yeah, there is a pandemic. Last year was rough for me. It was my first divorced woman holiday. I gassed myself up talking about how the solo Thanksgiving would be invigorating, and it was a lie! I had no one to talk to, my loose plans fell through, and I felt like a loser. I vowed then to approach my future holidays with honesty and a plan.
In Margie Warrell’s article for Forbes entitled, Why Women Suffer More Holiday Stress (And How To Keep It From Highjacking The Festive Spirit), she dives into why holidays can be more stressful than fun. The author states, “It doesn’t take much imagination to understand why women suffer more from ‘holiday stress.’ Despite the progress women have made in the paid workforce, they still carry the bulk of domestic duties, including the tasks of merry-making. From buying thoughtful presents and entertaining holiday guests, to arranging memorable family outings and organizing the annual holiday cards, women tend to have much longer holiday-related “To Do” lists than the men they spend their lives with (regardless of whether they work similar hours).”
For the past year, I have been intentional regarding taking breaks to protect my mental health, support my physical fitness and enhance my spiritual growth. With the collision of the holiday season and the pandemic, I wanted to share three breakaways that I think could be helpful to all of us as we tackle this unique holiday season. May the odds ever be in our favor!
Breakaway 1: Be okay With Not Being okay
This breakaway is the most critical advice I can give. No, it is not a tip on how specifically take a break, but this little breakaway gives you “permission” to think about you and your needs this holiday season. Be okay with not being okay. So many times, we fall into this trap of putting on a happy face. I think this happy face is consistently on display during the holidays where everyone is caroling, exchanging gifts, and full of Hallmark Channel cheer. It’s okay to not be okay amid the merriment — it’s honest. It’s also okay to give this feeling a voice and share it with others.
Last year was a sad and lonely Thanksgiving for me. I put on a brave face, told a few lies to friends, and tried to muddle through it. That was the wrong thing to do, and by the time I made it to Black Friday, I was in a horrible state. When I finally was open and honest with one of my friends about how I was faring, it was like I broke out of a dreadful haze and found peace and understanding. My friend thanked me for being honest and was like, “girl, you could have been hanging with momma and me the whole time.” Holiday remedied just by opening my mouth.
Breakaway 2 — Know your triggers
Picture it, Target 2018. You are in a packed store, not to holiday shop but to get simple things for your household. In your 20 minutes in the store, shopping carts have run over your feet, babies scream to your left and right, and you can’t get assistance. Checkout lines are stretching down the aisles. Your head is spinning, and you feel like you can’t breathe. This chaotic feeling is a trigger. The following example may not resonate with you, but you get the picture. Maybe your trigger is going to holiday parties where you don’t know anyone. Or holidays with dysfunctional families. Take a break to make a list of the things that trigger anxiety or disdain in you during the holidays. Next to these items, write down ways to take a break from them this holiday season. Is it crowds in stores? Try going to the grocery store at 6 a.m. (I love doing this) or using a delivery service. Is it holiday parties (kindly decline or set a time limit for how long to stay and an excuse to leave)? Is it family (same reasoning as above!)?
Breakaway 3: Set aside “you time”
Setting aside “you time” might sound extravagant, but it does not have to be. It also does not have to be lengthy. “You time” can be as little as 10 minutes and as much as half a day. You command your time and your day!
Some of my favorite “you time” moments have been taking time off from work during the holidays and treating myself to a little spa time. Another “you time” favorite is just taking time to get myself organized! Time for reading, taking a walk, wine, and Netflix nights can happen too. Here’s another secret — I put them in my phone calendar, so it’s on my schedule for the day. If it’s on your calendar, you’re more likely to do it. Also, let your family and friends in on what you are doing. Tell them how taking these “you time” breaks helps you deal with your triggers and cope with the holiday season. You may be surprised by how supportive they are.
By recognizing, accepting, and voicing when you are not okay, knowing your triggers, and setting aside “you time,”; taking a break during the holidays should be attainable. Have a great and peaceful holiday season.
PM Kester is the host of How To Take A Break — The Podcast. She is also the break taking mother of two girls. She resides in Atlanta, GA.
